My Connections to Play

*All work and no play make Jack a dull boy –Proverb

 

*Life is more fun when you are living, working and playing with a mate who truly cares about what happens in every area of your life. –Ritu Ghatourey

                                                              

As a child, play was supported by my parents, teachers, ministry leaders, and playmates in the community. My parents were very strict about the amount of time we spent idling in the house or in front of the television. If we were doing nothing, just sitting around talking, dad would say something like, “get up, go outside and find something to do”. If we watched TV for longer than an hour at a time, mom would just turn the set off and say, “go outside and catch some fresh air”. The worst thing for us to say to our parents was – I’m bored – omgosh, “spring” cleaning was on! (even if it was winter!)

Several instruments of play were always found in our house, to name a few: a ball; a clothesline, used for jump rope or double-dutch; hula hoops (whoosh, whoosh); rocks that were used to draw hopscotch designs; and bicycles. Every child in the neighborhood had one or more of these items, if not all. We were not fortunate to take annual vacation trips but we made many visits to local parks, Miller beach, and the Museum of Science and Industry.

 

                  

 

             At school, we had P.E. (gym) once a week, we actually worked out the whole time and we had a full hour for lunch; we ate and then played outside. We only stayed in if it was raining or below 0 degrees. At the church I attended, we had Sunday school in the morning service and BTU (Baptist training unit) in the evening service. BTU was the best because it was active learning. The ministry leader always had some type of activity to illustrate the lesson which made it practical for us to understand and demonstrate in our lives; much of it, I still remember today. The children in the neighborhood, my playmates, were never dull or boring. We did everything (in the name of exploring) from make-believe safaris (using sticks as machetes to cut through tall grass) to visiting the local funeral home to look at the deceased; it was all adventurous to us.

The type of play I knew as a child is rapidly becoming extinct. In the past, one could drive down any block and see children actively playing outdoors. Today, many blocks look like retirement communities. Children are encouraged to stay indoors more because it is either too hot or unsafe to play outside. Inside the house, children are limited to technology for entertainment because the rule “don’t rip and run in the house” or “don’t play in the house”, still exists. I agree that times have changed and it is not as safe for children to play outdoors as it once was but doing away with play is not the answer; instead of sending children out to play, adults accompanying their children while at play-is the answer.

The role of play was very strong throughout my childhood and still is today. Learning is fun. I like to engage others in learning projects that they will enjoy and make their own because only then will it become transferrable from one person to another. I tell my children, “learn it, use it, and pass it on.”

Relationship Reflection

          Partnerships and relationships are very important to me. I have many relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and casual acquaintances. Currently, I am engaged in two partnerships, but before I elaborate on them, let me clarify how I distinguish between the two. I form relationships with individuals through opportunities or situations that connect us together. I tend to cling to relationships that inspire me to become a better person and those that allow me to help others in need. Partnerships, for me, are of a more intimate nature. I perceive it as two or more individuals working together towards a common goal or purpose. Relationships are important to me, however, with the understanding that they come and go. Partnerships are cultivated over a period of time and are broken only by death; death of a business, emotion, or person.

I have many relationships, some I will group together such as my children I have six (five are adults). The five of them are in my relationship category because though we all get along wonderfully; our goals are no longer the same. They are doing well establishing and developing their homes with their spouses and children. I am so proud of all of them. Some morals, standards, and values they learned during childhood transferred on to their children and some did not; I can appreciate that. Then there is Ollie, whom I consider a very good friend, we do not always see eye-to-eye on things but we can always trust each other to tell the truth even when we know it is going to hurt. Kumbi is my faithful co-worker and prayer partner. Though we each have specific duties on the job; we work together to get the job done even if it means helping the other with their tasks. We laugh, we talk, we pray. Casual acquaintances are parents that support the childcare facility I own and operate. I enjoy getting to know them, their children, the adventures, and the challenges we face daily.

The two partnerships I mentioned earlier are 1) me and my heavenly Father, and 2) me and my 12yr old daughter. In both partnerships, we are working together to fulfill a common goal/purpose. Yes, we face many hindrances and obstacles along the way, but never to the extent of separation. When we fall out with one another, we are quick to make amends. No matter what happened during the day we never fail to let one another know how much the other is loved and appreciated and we continue the journey towards reaching our ultimate destination.

            In building extended relationships and maintaining successful partnerships, the greatest lesson I have learned is-you can have neither without the ability to communicate effectively. Any relationship can develop into a partnership when two or more began working together towards a specific goal or purpose. Likewise, partnerships are broken when the vision, goal, or purpose is lost and all involved begin to establish personal agendas independent of others.

            Effective programs and practices has helped to expand my knowledge and awareness of the importance of building positive relationships with the children I serve and the benefits of partnering with caregivers to provide every child with the quality of life they deserve.

When I Think of Child Development

Mornin’ Joy Childcare Learning Center is a faith-based facility and is founded on Biblical principles. We focus on working well with others and our motto is “Be Nice!” The quotes chosen are Biblical inspirations with implications towards developing into a healthy, wealthy, and wise individual. Here are three foundational quotes in which Mornin’ Joy is built upon:

1) “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Implication to Caregivers: Notice your child’s strengths and help her develop in it. When the child becomes aware of his strength, he will strive to master it.

2)“Continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with teachings, which are able to make you wise…” (2 Timothy 3:14-15).

Implication to Children: Act according to what you believe, being taught by someone you trust that you may obtain good results.

3) “All discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:9-11).

Implication to policymakers: Caregivers and recipients need rules and regulations that allow them to experience sufficiency, reach their highest potential, and enhance quality of life.

I was inspired by every post written on my blog. Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you. This was one of the best groups I have had the pleasure of participating in. I have learned so much from this class and look forward to incorporating various ideas that will enhance the success of each developing child.

 

 

Testing for Intelligence

There is no single test that can measure all the complexities of the human brain. There are still many unknowns concerning the brain. Scientifically, humans are known to have multiple intelligences. Howard Gardner originally described nine intelligences: linguistic, logical-mathematical, musical, spatial, bodily kinesthetic (movement), interpersonal (social understanding), and intrapersonal (self-understanding), naturalistic (understanding nature), and existential (thinking about life and death) (Berger, 2012).

All of the intelligences are valid, however of the nine, I would focus more on measuring interpersonal-a child’s social understanding. It is my belief that knowing how to live well with others supersedes other intelligences, not to say by any means that the others are not important. When an individual is able to interact well with others, in whatever capacity of weakness this person exhibits, someone is willing to work with this individual to help him/her reach their greatest potential in that area. How we treat one another and position ourselves to learn from another is foundational towards developing the whole person. I would want to know the level of a person’s social understanding; it would help me in learning how to be most effective in that particular person’s life.

Australian psychologists using earlier versions of these tests have relied on the American data in the manuals when evaluating a child's level of performance. Yet data from previous research, and from the recently completed standardization of the Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scale of Intelligence - Third Edition (WPPSI-III), has revealed that on average Australian children score slightly higher than their American peers on this test. This difference is assumed to reflect a higher mean level of parental education, and a similar effect is expected to be observed in the WISC-IV standardization sample (Hannan, 2013).

Berger, K. S. (2012). The developing person through childhood (6th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.

Hannan, T. (2013). Assessing children: Hits and myths. Austrialian Psychological Society. Retrieved from http://www.psychology.org.au/publications/inpsych/assess_children/

 

Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

This is a true story. The people I am going to talk about are dear friends, very close to my heart; however, I will not use their real names. This is a family of five: Mom (Olga), 49 single, registered nurse; oldest daughter (Lori), 22 with two children age 2yrs and 3mos; youngest daughter (Ann), 15.

My relationship with this family is childcare provider for the grandchildren. I also lived in the apartment across from theirs. They seemed like a very loving family until one day as I was leaving my apartment; Olga was standing outside her door with a knife in hand swearing and demanding to be let in. At first, I thought her 2yr old grandson had locked her out, so I asked, “did Jimmy lock you out?” she said, “No, Ann did. She pulled a knife on me, I took it from her, ran outside to keep from hurting her and she locked me out.” And then there was silence. I had no words. That incident occurred the summer of 2009 and is still going on.

Later, I asked Ann when she started hitting her mother; she answered, “11, I wanted to spend the night at a friend’s house and she wouldn’t let me, so I got smart with her and she slapped me, so I slapped her back and we’ve been fighting like that ever since.” Again, there was silence. I had no words (having no words meant that I was experiencing a “wow” moment).

Olga and I had the opportunity to take a short trip together; she shared that when Ann was very young, preschool age, she was always everybody’s favorite and whatever she wanted someone would get it for her. So whenever she was told no, she would have tantrums until she got it and eventually she always got her way. Olga expressed that when she didn’t give in others family members would make her feel bad until she did whatever it was Ann wanted. Now that Ann is older, a teen mom and high school dropout, family members are blaming mom for Ann’s abusive behavior.

The obvious stressor in this situation is violence; however, knowing what I know about this family, I would say negligence. In the early childhood years, according to Baumrind’s style of caregiving, Ann experienced the permissive parenting upbringing; permissive parents are very involved in their children’s lives: defending them from criticism, arranging lay dates and sacrificing to buy them coveted toys (Berger, 2012). Permissive parents raise unhappy children who lack self-control, especially in the give and take of peer relationships. They tend to continue to live at home, still dependent, in early adulthood. Eventually, in middle and late adulthood, they fare quite well (Berger, 2012).

When researching parental abuse by children globally/worldwide, not much was found. The majority of information is dated within the American borders, very interesting.

Reference

Berger, K. S., (2012). The Developing Person Through Childhood. 6^th Ed. Worth Publishers. New York, NY. Chapter 10, pp 299-300.

Child Development and Public Health

Diaz, a Plano mother of two children, killed the 3 and 5 year olds before stabbing herself. She said she thought she was saving the children from evil spirits. Laney of Tyler killed two of her sons by stoning them to death while maiming a third. She also had a religious motive: God ordered her to do it to test her faith. Schlosser, also of Plano, killed her 10-month-old son because, as she told her husband the night before, she wanted to “give her child to God” (Floyd, J. & Sinclair, B., 2010). All of these women were said to have suffered from postpartum depression. In this state of being, women hurt those who are dearest to them, not just their children but husbands and other family members, also. My topic is mental health of mothers, fathers, and families in general.

This topic is meaningful to me because any one of these women could have been me. I gave birth to four children in a span of four years; my second and third are 11mos apart. My husband was sole provider and very adamant about his “me time”. I was a very young mother, single one day and mother of four the next; with a husband who didn’t have a clue about how to be a father outside of financial provision. Yes, I had harmful and destructive thoughts from time to time. But then I would look at my babies and would see their precious innocents and vulnerability; if I had given them poison to drink, they would have drunk it. If I had put them on the roof top and told them to jump, they would have done it, simply because they trusted me as their mother; they trusted that my love for them would never do something so tragic. I ask this question “is it important for men and women to discuss mental health issues before conception?

Yes. Because emotional surges are believed to be a natural effect of the hormone shifts that occur with pregnancy and childbirth. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that increase during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery and this can affect mood. These female hormones return to their pre-pregnancy levels within a week or so. As hormone levels normalize, baby blues usually resolve on their own without medical treatment. However, in some cases they do not, therefore men and women should at least be aware of this and discuss it along with the idea of having children.

Studies are now showing changes in the mentality of men concerning their roles as husbands and fathers. In the past men would spend much less time with babies than mothers do; with some even thinking it unmanly to dote on an infant. Fathers enhance their children’s social and emotional development in many ways and close relationships with infants help men, as well, in reducing the risk of depression. Worldwide, fathers are increasingly involved in baby care, but this varies by culture. Most nations do not yet have policies in place to facilitate father care and then again, some provide paid leave for new fathers as well as mothers.

 

           Postpartum depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery. This information is news worthy to all men and women seeking to have children some day. Sharing this information and increasing awareness of the importance of discussing mental health issues before conception is something I plan to do with parents associated with my facility through parenting and strengthening families from generation to generation workshops.

Childbirth In Your Life and Around the World

I have given birth to six children, with my first child; I was in labor over 20hrs and gave birth to a 6lb.4oz boy. Two years later, second birth 12hrs of labor produced a 6lb.9oz girl. Eleven months later, third birth came prematurely at 7months, labor was very short approximately 3-4hrs. It was a natural birth, however, a breech footling (meaning baby arrived feet first) at 3lbs. 5oz, boy; a year and a half later, fourth birth, 8hrs labor producing a 5lb.6oz girl. Eight years later, fifth birth, 5hrs labor producing a 6lbs.10oz boy and finally (whew) seven years later came baby six, another preemie also breech footling only this time the doctor insisted on caesarean. Although, I was reluctant, I agreed to it resulting in a 3lb.10oz, girl.

If I were to make an assumption, it would be that every third child would be a breech footling preemie. However, to confirm that I would have to give birth to three more children and that’s not happening, so I guess the world will never know : ).

I also had the wonderful pleasure of observing the birth of my daughter’s first child. It was hilarious and so precious. It took all of 18hrs; though she and I had numerous conversations of what labor would be like, when the time came, she was totally clueless. The explicit things that came out of her mouth that day (nothing vulgar)—so funny. And then it happened, I participated by holding one of her legs, I saw the crown of my grandson’s head; it was the most spectacular sight ever. The whole cycle of conception, pregnancy, and childbirth is the greatest miracle of all times, that was my first and only time witnessing childbirth up close and personal like that; my daughter sometimes ask if I had to do it over again, would I? My answer is always the same-in a heartbeat!

I found a great website (http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/vaginal/birth-customs-around-the-world/?) that share stories about different birthing cultures in Germany, Japan, Brazil, and Turkey; go there when you have the time. Here is what I found out about women in the Netherlands:

Most expectant moms in Holland don't see an obstetrician, but are instead referred by their family doctor to a local midwife practice. Doctors only intervene in high-risk cases or if complications arise during delivery. Dutch women decide whether they want a home or hospital delivery. I was surprised to learn that more than half of the women at my midwife's practice deliver at home. In fact, all expectant mothers in Holland are required to pick up a kraampakket that includes all of the medical supplies necessary for a home birth. If you choose not to deliver at home, your midwife will make a house call to check on the progress of your labor and determine the ideal time for you to go to the hospital.

The most common similarity is women always available and ready to help women through this phenomenal experience rather it’s a midwife or a doula, rarely do women have to go through childbirth alone.