Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

This is a true story. The people I am going to talk about are dear friends, very close to my heart; however, I will not use their real names. This is a family of five: Mom (Olga), 49 single, registered nurse; oldest daughter (Lori), 22 with two children age 2yrs and 3mos; youngest daughter (Ann), 15.

My relationship with this family is childcare provider for the grandchildren. I also lived in the apartment across from theirs. They seemed like a very loving family until one day as I was leaving my apartment; Olga was standing outside her door with a knife in hand swearing and demanding to be let in. At first, I thought her 2yr old grandson had locked her out, so I asked, “did Jimmy lock you out?” she said, “No, Ann did. She pulled a knife on me, I took it from her, ran outside to keep from hurting her and she locked me out.” And then there was silence. I had no words. That incident occurred the summer of 2009 and is still going on.

Later, I asked Ann when she started hitting her mother; she answered, “11, I wanted to spend the night at a friend’s house and she wouldn’t let me, so I got smart with her and she slapped me, so I slapped her back and we’ve been fighting like that ever since.” Again, there was silence. I had no words (having no words meant that I was experiencing a “wow” moment).

Olga and I had the opportunity to take a short trip together; she shared that when Ann was very young, preschool age, she was always everybody’s favorite and whatever she wanted someone would get it for her. So whenever she was told no, she would have tantrums until she got it and eventually she always got her way. Olga expressed that when she didn’t give in others family members would make her feel bad until she did whatever it was Ann wanted. Now that Ann is older, a teen mom and high school dropout, family members are blaming mom for Ann’s abusive behavior.

The obvious stressor in this situation is violence; however, knowing what I know about this family, I would say negligence. In the early childhood years, according to Baumrind’s style of caregiving, Ann experienced the permissive parenting upbringing; permissive parents are very involved in their children’s lives: defending them from criticism, arranging lay dates and sacrificing to buy them coveted toys (Berger, 2012). Permissive parents raise unhappy children who lack self-control, especially in the give and take of peer relationships. They tend to continue to live at home, still dependent, in early adulthood. Eventually, in middle and late adulthood, they fare quite well (Berger, 2012).

When researching parental abuse by children globally/worldwide, not much was found. The majority of information is dated within the American borders, very interesting.

Reference

Berger, K. S., (2012). The Developing Person Through Childhood. 6^th Ed. Worth Publishers. New York, NY. Chapter 10, pp 299-300.

Child Development and Public Health

Diaz, a Plano mother of two children, killed the 3 and 5 year olds before stabbing herself. She said she thought she was saving the children from evil spirits. Laney of Tyler killed two of her sons by stoning them to death while maiming a third. She also had a religious motive: God ordered her to do it to test her faith. Schlosser, also of Plano, killed her 10-month-old son because, as she told her husband the night before, she wanted to “give her child to God” (Floyd, J. & Sinclair, B., 2010). All of these women were said to have suffered from postpartum depression. In this state of being, women hurt those who are dearest to them, not just their children but husbands and other family members, also. My topic is mental health of mothers, fathers, and families in general.

This topic is meaningful to me because any one of these women could have been me. I gave birth to four children in a span of four years; my second and third are 11mos apart. My husband was sole provider and very adamant about his “me time”. I was a very young mother, single one day and mother of four the next; with a husband who didn’t have a clue about how to be a father outside of financial provision. Yes, I had harmful and destructive thoughts from time to time. But then I would look at my babies and would see their precious innocents and vulnerability; if I had given them poison to drink, they would have drunk it. If I had put them on the roof top and told them to jump, they would have done it, simply because they trusted me as their mother; they trusted that my love for them would never do something so tragic. I ask this question “is it important for men and women to discuss mental health issues before conception?

Yes. Because emotional surges are believed to be a natural effect of the hormone shifts that occur with pregnancy and childbirth. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that increase during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery and this can affect mood. These female hormones return to their pre-pregnancy levels within a week or so. As hormone levels normalize, baby blues usually resolve on their own without medical treatment. However, in some cases they do not, therefore men and women should at least be aware of this and discuss it along with the idea of having children.

Studies are now showing changes in the mentality of men concerning their roles as husbands and fathers. In the past men would spend much less time with babies than mothers do; with some even thinking it unmanly to dote on an infant. Fathers enhance their children’s social and emotional development in many ways and close relationships with infants help men, as well, in reducing the risk of depression. Worldwide, fathers are increasingly involved in baby care, but this varies by culture. Most nations do not yet have policies in place to facilitate father care and then again, some provide paid leave for new fathers as well as mothers.

 

           Postpartum depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery. This information is news worthy to all men and women seeking to have children some day. Sharing this information and increasing awareness of the importance of discussing mental health issues before conception is something I plan to do with parents associated with my facility through parenting and strengthening families from generation to generation workshops.

Childbirth In Your Life and Around the World

I have given birth to six children, with my first child; I was in labor over 20hrs and gave birth to a 6lb.4oz boy. Two years later, second birth 12hrs of labor produced a 6lb.9oz girl. Eleven months later, third birth came prematurely at 7months, labor was very short approximately 3-4hrs. It was a natural birth, however, a breech footling (meaning baby arrived feet first) at 3lbs. 5oz, boy; a year and a half later, fourth birth, 8hrs labor producing a 5lb.6oz girl. Eight years later, fifth birth, 5hrs labor producing a 6lbs.10oz boy and finally (whew) seven years later came baby six, another preemie also breech footling only this time the doctor insisted on caesarean. Although, I was reluctant, I agreed to it resulting in a 3lb.10oz, girl.

If I were to make an assumption, it would be that every third child would be a breech footling preemie. However, to confirm that I would have to give birth to three more children and that’s not happening, so I guess the world will never know : ).

I also had the wonderful pleasure of observing the birth of my daughter’s first child. It was hilarious and so precious. It took all of 18hrs; though she and I had numerous conversations of what labor would be like, when the time came, she was totally clueless. The explicit things that came out of her mouth that day (nothing vulgar)—so funny. And then it happened, I participated by holding one of her legs, I saw the crown of my grandson’s head; it was the most spectacular sight ever. The whole cycle of conception, pregnancy, and childbirth is the greatest miracle of all times, that was my first and only time witnessing childbirth up close and personal like that; my daughter sometimes ask if I had to do it over again, would I? My answer is always the same-in a heartbeat!

I found a great website (http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/vaginal/birth-customs-around-the-world/?) that share stories about different birthing cultures in Germany, Japan, Brazil, and Turkey; go there when you have the time. Here is what I found out about women in the Netherlands:

Most expectant moms in Holland don't see an obstetrician, but are instead referred by their family doctor to a local midwife practice. Doctors only intervene in high-risk cases or if complications arise during delivery. Dutch women decide whether they want a home or hospital delivery. I was surprised to learn that more than half of the women at my midwife's practice deliver at home. In fact, all expectant mothers in Holland are required to pick up a kraampakket that includes all of the medical supplies necessary for a home birth. If you choose not to deliver at home, your midwife will make a house call to check on the progress of your labor and determine the ideal time for you to go to the hospital.

The most common similarity is women always available and ready to help women through this phenomenal experience rather it’s a midwife or a doula, rarely do women have to go through childbirth alone.