Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

This is a true story. The people I am going to talk about are dear friends, very close to my heart; however, I will not use their real names. This is a family of five: Mom (Olga), 49 single, registered nurse; oldest daughter (Lori), 22 with two children age 2yrs and 3mos; youngest daughter (Ann), 15.

My relationship with this family is childcare provider for the grandchildren. I also lived in the apartment across from theirs. They seemed like a very loving family until one day as I was leaving my apartment; Olga was standing outside her door with a knife in hand swearing and demanding to be let in. At first, I thought her 2yr old grandson had locked her out, so I asked, “did Jimmy lock you out?” she said, “No, Ann did. She pulled a knife on me, I took it from her, ran outside to keep from hurting her and she locked me out.” And then there was silence. I had no words. That incident occurred the summer of 2009 and is still going on.

Later, I asked Ann when she started hitting her mother; she answered, “11, I wanted to spend the night at a friend’s house and she wouldn’t let me, so I got smart with her and she slapped me, so I slapped her back and we’ve been fighting like that ever since.” Again, there was silence. I had no words (having no words meant that I was experiencing a “wow” moment).

Olga and I had the opportunity to take a short trip together; she shared that when Ann was very young, preschool age, she was always everybody’s favorite and whatever she wanted someone would get it for her. So whenever she was told no, she would have tantrums until she got it and eventually she always got her way. Olga expressed that when she didn’t give in others family members would make her feel bad until she did whatever it was Ann wanted. Now that Ann is older, a teen mom and high school dropout, family members are blaming mom for Ann’s abusive behavior.

The obvious stressor in this situation is violence; however, knowing what I know about this family, I would say negligence. In the early childhood years, according to Baumrind’s style of caregiving, Ann experienced the permissive parenting upbringing; permissive parents are very involved in their children’s lives: defending them from criticism, arranging lay dates and sacrificing to buy them coveted toys (Berger, 2012). Permissive parents raise unhappy children who lack self-control, especially in the give and take of peer relationships. They tend to continue to live at home, still dependent, in early adulthood. Eventually, in middle and late adulthood, they fare quite well (Berger, 2012).

When researching parental abuse by children globally/worldwide, not much was found. The majority of information is dated within the American borders, very interesting.

Reference

Berger, K. S., (2012). The Developing Person Through Childhood. 6^th Ed. Worth Publishers. New York, NY. Chapter 10, pp 299-300.